No Training Wheels

It’s been 2 months, still a neophyte. Driving addiction, cold turkey.

At first, stumbled through missed connections, figuring out routes and times. Why try and act like I know what I’m doing? Biking, though, has been the big pleasure, a surprise.

I learned to ride a bike in the long, dusty driveway at my grandparents. Hot corn field one side, Mom’s huge garden on the other. We almost never went in the garden. Mom spent hours there each day. It wasn’t the kitchen garden, that was out back. In the front garden was a bewildering array of trees, bushes, odd plants, light spots and dark corners.

There were no training wheels for us. I pestered my dad to let me try the blue, rusted white wheeled bike. I don’t remember him running behind me, but he must have. In my memory I rode upright the first time.

Have you done that, run behind the bike while a kid learns to balance Just hold firmly, then lightly, then watch them soar, crash, get up and go again. Watch and wonder.

Glad to bike again.

It was a good day

Well, I did have some hog for breakfast, and the dog is barking, but there is no smog and I made a giant jug of Bloody Marys.

The most awesome thing happened last night. As everyone knows I am constantly spilling ice. An average of 1.83 out of 12 cubes (14.72%, please don't check the math) ends up on the floor. In fact, this blog should probably be called ice spills everywhere but ice doesn't stain. For the 1st (last?) time in my life the spilled ice cube popped up in the air and in a perfect parabola sailed into my glass. I have conquered life, at least for a few hours.

Why are Bry's shoes on my porch? Did she walk home barefoot? Will I be doing vodka shots out of a straw later?

I definitely need to listen to more Peter Frampton.

That's all for now. Please enjoy your holiday weekend.

Like We Need a Reason

WSE

This is a Confession

Can't quite deal with the gravity.

The levity is enough.

The hardest thing about writing in the third person, is remembering to write in the the third person.

WSE does not, nor does he purport to, speak for the house. Casa de Redneck exist without foundation. It remains, despite the best efforts of those who would seek to repress us, a bastion of ideas and ideals - a Salon - where freedom exists without fear of reprisal, cell phones are not monitored by the NSA and liberty is not measured by the size of one's paycheck.

While hours spent in the confessional cannot make up for the the sins placed on the page, we do our best to disseminate information, at infrequent intervals, that you need to know.

The black helicopters will not stop us. The great orange satan cannot stifle our voice. We are the people, the voice of the great unwashed, intemperate masses.

The day may come, and it may come soon, when the FCC or our own immoderate ways force us, like Harry Potter, to seek refuge in far off fens, avoiding he-who-must-not-be-named, but until that fateful day arrives, until the the Brown Shirts beat down our door and render us to some undisclosed location, we shall remain ever vigilant in just crusade.

We would, however, advise you to clear your browser history.

WSE

OUT?

WSE is going "out?" What exactly does "out" mean? Does anyone have any ideas? My money is on him going to a strip club.

A Rant by Any Other Name

A very good friend^☂of WSE sent the following in response to an opinion piece submitted as a adjunct to an ongoing discussion.

...More of a reward and initiative vs rewarding inactivity and indifference. The latter collapses on itself eventually, just like it is now in much of Europe.

Which was probably a mistake as WSE is short of sleep and way hungover...

WSE does not know a single Liberal or Progressive breathing who does not admire and espouse the benefits of hard work and initiative.

Inactivity and indifference are relative terms, depending on what you are indifferent and inactive toward. WSE would posit that the Libertarian ideals espoused by the attached author demonstrate misplaced priorities of Hobbesian proportions. WSE would further state that if you (collectively) wish to witness indifference and inactivity, simply look in the mirror.

M'•er•i•can |Mm'airikin| (N) def.: Anyone of Straight, White, Male, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant (hereafter SWASP) descent (other oriented/racial/gender/ethnic/religious groups considered and accepted only after decades of repression and discrimination and proper supplication. SWASPs reserves the right to kick your ass to the curb, without notice or debate, at any time), who believes that catastrophic oil spills are mere "accidents", engages in (despite his/her/its "holier than thou" convictions) moral opportunism and further believes that justice, equity and liberty are mere commodities to be bought and sold on the open market free from the restraint of the ever repressive boot heel of the suffering masses and longs for, while striving toward, the halcyon days of SWASP hegemony.

We M'ericans are history's most self-indulgent culture (is there a cash prize that?!?). We M'ericans consume more of the world's resources than the Vogons. We are Cleveland Arning, devouring the planet country by country, exporting our trite, consumptive, paparazzi-addled culture to the world, while pissing on their leg and telling them it's raining.

Our indifference and inactivity, as the wealthiest nation on this planet, is nauseating. In the face of suffering, in the face epidemic, in the face of global catastrophe, a saintly few M'ericans may, reach for their wallet, but they will not reach out. We turn our heads and turn the page, justifying our indifference and inaction with pious platitudes.

WSE is moving to Australia. Beaches, babes and no beer too warm to drink.

WSE

^☂ Tip O' the Hat to C. D. for needed education, great conversation and bourbon.

^☂☂ O' the Hat to Magz for the photo.

^☂☂☂ Definitely been spending too much time at Whiskey Fire. A good dose of Cole is in order.

Hipster Backlash

Like we coulda got our ass into skinny jeans anyway. And, please, we'd just as soon throw what's left of our nads over a fixie (REAL fixies, not those lame ass free/fixed toys with actual brakes all those trust fund poseurs ride) as we would agree to have a drink with this guy. Even if, in the highly unlikely event, he's buying.

There's this whole backlash against hipster culture out there. It's Anti-Hipsterism.

It's getting to the point where just riding a fixie is grounds to demand I.D. Did we just land in Arizona? Do WSE and his fixie look illegal? What about PeaceDonna and her dog? Deano Martino produce that birth certificate.

Seriously, we are thinking of joining Glenn Beck in the attic. The only problem is we don't know who we can trust anymore to tell us when it's safe to come out.

Seems to us like we all got a lot more things to worry about than herds of trust fund tweeners (that's somewhere between a free skate through college, no loan debt and and a filial subsidized apartment in a major metropolis and realizing that Daddy's money runs out at twenty-six) with bad taste in clothing, even worse taste in music and completely unexceptional riding skills.

But, well, hell. Gotta fight the culture wars somewhere, and if the latest front is hipsterism, then hand us our pitchforks.

We'll have fun storming the castle.

WSE

Every Turn is a Choice*

There are so many directions we can go in this great journey we call life, but I'd imagine a turn onto this street would simply result in all of us getting hopelessly lost. I feel fairly certain that we would only wind-up at the end of this dead end one way street hung-over and pantsless, wondering if anywhere in this verdant wasteland of gin-joints and bikini bars, there is a bus going anywhere.

Sometimes the wisest choice is to stay on the straight and narrow. To walk the line. To exercise good judgment and restraint. To behave responsibly and remember that one must go to work in the morning. Sometimes it's best to play it safe and sane...

But where is the adventure in that?

WSE

*Tip O' the Hat to our intrepid field reporter B. A. Harmon for sending along the snapshot.

Oh shut up!

Seriously?

happy birthday shelly!

Juz Sayin

Deano Martino and PeaceDonna - Robert is lending two hands and as many feet as a lad can spare - are out on this glorious spring day planting the urban garden.

Just wanted to take this moment of repose to say that WSE has never been happier or felt more at home than he has with these wonderful, amazing people. With these cherished folk about there is true meaning to the words

Look Forward.

Look Forward, indeed.

WSE

Ties Suck

Thank god for youtube. Today I had to knot a tie for the first time in at least 15 years. Of course, it is the same tie (now filthy) that I've been wearing for the past 3 weeks. And yes, it is a loony tunes tie. WSE initially knotted it for me but after slipping it over my head every day somehow the slip knot became a real knot.

I think a celebration is in order.

EDIT: i told you I'd find that loony toon before i went to bed, you fu*&#r, Here's another one. And another one.

for some reason this is appropriate

How You Use Your Junk Is Now Our Business?

Sorry kids but we here at Casa de Redneck are a wee dash confused.

Okay. We understand that's a pretty normal state hereabouts.

And while we usually revel in, if not actively contribute to it, the confusion experienced now has little to do with wondering why there are wet towels on the bathroom floor and four whiskey bottles in the bathroom trash or how confetti managed to make it into the refrigerator or where the fucking remote went or who swiped WSE's hat (we KNOW it was Lieber - the fooking tosser) or even when those last seven condoms got turned into water-balloons and dropped, unceremoniously, on the heads of guests, neighbors and passers-by.

Questioning that which is the norm is futile. There is no seeking reason in insanity and, once embraced, insanity is very difficult to rein in by reason. Best to let chaos dance...

Then clean-up the mess - which, what with the scavenger hunts and all, is an adventure in itself.

NO.

What we are confused about is this whisper campaign (yes started by the looney tunes on the right, but brought full to the fore by none other than the current sweetheart of liberalism, Andrew Sullivan), that questions Solicitor General's Elena Kagan's sexual orientation. Now that our criminal, fascist, muslim... yada, yada, yada - you know the drill and the talking points - President has chosen to ask the extremely recalcitrant Senate to confirm Ms. Kagan as the next High Wizard Supreme Court Justice, everyone wants to know "does she or doesn't she?".

First it's not like anybody got elected to the Senate for OVERestimating the intelligence of the American public. Christ, Al Franken is a Senator (D - MN - and doing a damn good job), but then again so is Jim DeMint (R - Crazysauce)). But the sophistry and the hypocrisy of the Right right now is so over the top that the last three sane voters just moved to Arizona thinking - "Hell, it can't get any worse" (sorry kidz it does).

Second. and this segues to one. For years and weeks and months and days we been hearing the Right shout itself blue over appointing JUDGES, people with real time legal experience as Justices to the High Court. We have heard carefully constructed sound bites about how great it would be if a President picked somebody, anybody who didn't come from the Bench. We have heard the word and the word from them is we need diversity of opinion and varied experience with institutional structure on the Court. Hell we have even heard how Harriett Miers was the next best thing to sliced bread. Y'all recall how well that worked out.

Now the word has changed. The lede is hypocritically altered. The meme sophistry.

We will admit Kagan is a black box with no experience in rendering judgments. We also concur in the fact that she has a sparse paper trail. We don't like her position (for as much as we know) on Executive Power and late-term abortions. She seems White's wet dream - a total organization person (there is a Russian word that we cannot recall at this time - leading us to wonder what happened to our copy of Ten Days That Shook The World - that we'd like to use). Ah, wait there it is. Apparatchnik. That's the word. Well, so was Rehnquist and nobody but the people he perjured himself before really raised too much of a ruckus.

Sure, some of this is valid. We the people, well we have a right duty to learn where Ms. Kagan stands on some of the vital issues of the day, although it's unlikely we'll learn anything through the confirmation process seeing as how Kagan herself has backtracked on her position. And, it is nearly impossible to get a read on any sort of "litmus test" (as if that should exist in the first place), when the Right keeps moving the goal posts.

But this whole is she or isn't she (a lesbian) thing is the biggest crock o' shit since Nixon tried to convince us that he was not a crook. Apparently, the conjuncture is based on her batting stance or the simple fact that she plays softball in the first place (after all, everybody knows straight chicks only play with hard balls). No mind that there have been several single male Justices who never faced a question about their sexual orientation, despite their crappy batting stance and affinity for curling.

When was the last time you heard anybody question the sexual proclivities of a successful white male (excluding Catholic priests) who passed on the whole American dream of marriage, 2.3 kids, a house in the 'Burbs, a wife on Prozac™, a "lover" (undisclosed) on coke and an unaffordable mortgage?

The greatest thing about human sexuality is that, if you employ enough creativity, if you are willing to engage in a little experimentation, if you have an open mind and apply reasoning to any situation all the parts fit together. It really doesn't matter if it's Guy/Guy, Girl/Girl, Guy/Guy/Girl, Girl/Girl/Guy, the Puritanical favorite of simply Girl/Guy or any neglected combination, if one is willing to analyze the facts, assess the situation, work the problem and apply a dash of creative reasoning, the outcome will be mutually satisfactory.

We here at Casa de Redneck may have our reservations about Ms. Kagan, but they have nothing to do with her purported (sorry Magz) inclinations to develop loving, caring and, yes, sexual relationships with those of her own gender. In fact we think this is a benefit. After all, "straight" white males or females employ little thought or creativity, they don't have to work the problem and reason out satisfactory conclusions in the way those practicing what we euphemistically call "alternative lifestyles" do. Creativity, experimentation, open-mindedness, analysis, reasoning and a desire to reach outcomes that please the parties involved: we think these are fine qualities for a Justice to possess.

And, if it comes out during the confirmation process that Ms. Kagan owns a Squirmy Rooter, well then, we will only support her more.

WSE

Monday evening after a delightful Sunday night.

The ready availability of handheld photo taking devices and the ease with which photos are now transmutable, merely serves to speed up the rate at which we can be embarrassed.

I can recall back in the day when you had to wait a minimum of twenty-four hours for the film to develop before you faced the inevitable embarrassment of one's behavior. Now it's instantaneous. Point, click and zoom it's on the internet for the whole of creation to see.

Me, I still long for the day when images were carved in stone or rendered on canvas after hours upon hours of sitting still. When you think about it, the mystery of Mona Lisa's enigmatic smile is no mystery at all: she simply had to pee.

As for this fine work. Well, I will admit that it's a damn fine picture of the dog. I'd also add that taking a nap after dinner on Monday evening (after a delightful Sunday night) is not wise when children are present. Largely because they (children) are not good at providing relevant information.

You'd think after watching me gear-up, brush my teeth, saying "have a great day" and unlocking my bike one of them would have the good sense to tell me it's not Tuesday. I was half way to work before I figured out it was still Monday night

One thing for certain. We gotta get rid of that couch. It's way too comfy.

WSE

On ostentatious whores and Sunday morning Bloody Marys

This whole Neil Young thing was a bad idea.

James unreliably informs us (via a note) that he is (at least as of 22 days ago at one a.m.):

"Not dead at all. When did you come up with thisn? Now all you need is a table and some blow."

We have no idea what that means, but it's good to have neighbors who keep in touch and bring cake.

Other than a completely depressing lack of Vodka, this is shaping up to be a fine Sunday.

Call your mother for God's sake!

WSE

Doobie McDonald

Whittier oh Whittier

Doobie McDonald Visits the Mayor of Whittier - watch more funny videos

Condiment Spill

We have managed to contain the spill But it remains a grave concern as the tides seem to be carrying it toward land where it threatens major estuaries and protected lands where actual food exists in teeming supply.

FEMA has been notified and we are getting nothing but condescending cooperation from the Omaba (ironically) White House. In fact, PeaceDonna just got off the phone with Janet Napolitano, who assured PeaceDonna that all the resources of the Administration are at our avail.

We have the highest hopes in our ability to, assuming the G comes through and bails our ass out (again), cope with this terrible catastrophe.

Seriously kidz we love small government and would be more than willing to pull ourselves up by our jock boot-straps and manage this spill all on our John Galt self. But there just comes a time when spouting repeated hypocrisies, misinformation (if not outright lies) and outrageous hyperbole must yield to the public good. Now is that time.

Our sworn duty, after all, is to uphold the pubic (sorry, thinking about my trip abroad - what a lovely, long-stroking, "baggage handler" he was) public trust. Especially in the face of a threat such as this.

Our prayers are with us and yours better be too.

Meanwhile, in a totally unrelated item, Martino thinks this blog needs more something...

WSE

Ya know

it's getting to a point in our culture where you can't say anything without it being a euphemism for something dirty.

scott is the hippie hugo cabret

Too Ridiculous to Blog

Oh Boy.

Random Martino Thoughts

- HOW did I get cut on the top of my foot with a huge chunk'o'glass?

- Is 'Bad Moon Rising' a protest song? Who cares.

- More Bill Withers please.

- Do you want the fresh wine or the day-old wine?

- James is always here. it's cool.

- Icehouse #1

- Making fried pork tomorrow, email me for details.

- Brother Brother, Brother

- Oh man I officially have an FBI file

- Why am asking Scott how to spell?

- Where is the orzange lighter? I don't have pockets.

- Nazi orange lighter BITCH.

We are just so proud.

Our little boy all grow'd-up. PeaceDonna n' me are just so overwhelmed with emotion right now that I can't clearly see the keyboard through my tears.

Seriously folks, this is so worth it.

All the sacrifices we made. All those nights pondering the nutritional value of a McDonald's 1 ounce packet of Ketchup.

All those days of grift and grab and diapers! Don't even get me started on the diapers... so many... Oi vey... I think the City thought I was running a commercial farm out of our fashionable two-flat.

And all those weeks using the Reader to wipe. Who knew that soy ink could cause so bad a rash!?!?!

Seems like just yesterday that he set the University Library on fire. Those terrible twos.

The tallest 4th grader ever. Check Guinness. He's there, right next to the Belch the Alphabet Champion of 2000.

And, oh dear, do remember the time, I think he was eight. You remember!!! He seduced the crossing guard and you actually tried to GROUND him!

Dude, sorry, but I tipped my hat.

All those days and nights and years now just dust in the wind.

Seeing him today, dressed like a student of all the prep-schools he got kicked out of, finally coming into his own, well, it's just earth-shattering. We are taking our props as joy feeds us.

You Go Girl!!!

WSE